A Proper Gin & Tonic

President Kennedy made his way to the oval office with a retinue of men in suits close behind. The Cuban missile crisis was nothing to be blase' about. Robert Kennedy began the briefing by explaining, "Soviet Premier Khrushchev claims Russia isn't storing any nuclear weapons in Cuba - but it doesn't pass the smell test."

The president sat back in his leather chair and said, "You know what? I've been pining for a nice gin and tonic."

"Jack, we're on the verge of a nuclear war!" exclaimed Robert.

The president ignored his brother and summoned the white house butler for the oval office. "Sappington, I need you to suss out some of that good gin we got in London last year. I need a proper gin and tonic, pronto!"

Robert continued, "Sir, we need to strategize. Khrushchev enfeebled us at the summit - we are at a clear disadvantage."

President Kennedy pointed at the curtains. "Anyone else find these curtains raffish?" he asked.

Secretary Rusk grew impatient. "Mr. President, we've laid out all of the options - what do you want to do?" he asked.

The president smirked and said, "I'd like some time for canoodling."

Robert became outraged and slammed his hand onto the president's desk.

"That kind of braggadocio is unnecessary, Bobby," said the president. "OK, if we must talk about this boring Cuban thing I'll dictate a communique to Secretary McNamara."

"Yes, that sounds better - thank you sir," said Robert.

President Kennedy called for his communications director to scribe. "Dear Bob, I made inroads with Marilyn at my birthday party. I believe her intentions were laid bare when she slipped me that box of cigars. I'm depressed because I got a gentle ribbing from that creep, Khrushchev. So, I want extra mint chocolate chip ice cream for dinner tonight."

Robert interrupted the dictation, "But sir - you're dictating a letter to Secretary of Defense McNamara - not the kitchen staff!"

"Oh, put a sock in it, Bobby - you're becoming quite the buzzy upstart. You want to do important work do you, Bobby?" the president screamed.

"I'm your attorney general - I should be doing work vital to our nation!" he said.

"You want an important title, hah? OK, you're my Director of Canoodling - now leave!"

*****
Color words: retinue, blase', doesn't pass the smell test, pining for, suss out, enfeebled by, raffish, canoodle, communique', braggadocio, gentle ribbing from, make inroads, laid bare, buzzy upstart

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, International Spy

On the surface, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is committed to unadulterated excellence for the constituents she represents. However, many don't know she is secret agent, 008 - having worked with James Bond many times to disrupt countless clandestine operations internationally.  She is playfully referred to as double-o A-O-C - preferring that moniker to the hackneyed Bond, James Bond. While meeting with voters, she holds forth in a folksy style but her other line of work would make Joe the Plumber blanch. She's effective in her ad libitum speaking style. On weekends, you might find her in Paris at a three-Michelin star hotel eating flavorsome caviar and sipping imported bubble gum pink champagne. When Her Majesty's Secret Service in London culled its ranks, Bond and AOC were the first to be saved from budget restraints. Last summer, she exposed a major KGB operation in Czechoslovakia and was newly-minted the "devil woman" by Putin's thugs. By now, she had legions of enemies all of the world but she's so damned pretty that nobody can harm her - it's like a magical forcefield. Once she was captured by malodorous and murderous mafia morons but she slipped them a lethal cocktail of tainted merlot. She doesn't consider the things she's done as crimes of moral turpitude - simply part of her job as a super spy. AOC is paid very well for her spy work and has managed to feather her own nest by purchasing a 22,000 square foot villa in Cozumel, Mexico.  

*****

Color words: unadulterated excellence, clandestine, hackneyed, holds forth in a folksy style, blanch, ad libitum, flavorsome, bubble gum pink, cull its ranks, newly-minted, legions of, malodorous, tainted, crimes of moral turpitude

Mr. Crumb

 An adoring fan asked Robert Crumb, famous sixties underground cartoonist, for an autograph but was brusquely refused. A week later, Robert and his wife, Aline, prepared to move to France. He packed his rare collection of vintage blues albums en masse. It was a nightmare scenario to watch his prized possession being loaded into trucks by three brutes from the moving company. An interviewer pelted Robert with questions about his profligate artwork from the sixties.

"I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

"Aren't you afraid your controversial statements will imperil your legacy?" asked the antsy reporter.

"Even if I'm destitute, I won't censor my responses," said Robert.

"Let me ask about your comrade, Aline."

"Well, she's been a mainstay in my life for 40 years. It really put her on her heels when I first asked her on a date. As you might imagine, most women would be giddy to go on a date with a handsome mug like me - the world would be your oyster."

"I'm guessing you're saying that facetiously."

"Nope - I'm just an implacable creep."

*****
Color words: brusque, en masse, nightmare scenario, pelted with questions, profligate, imperil, destitute, antsy, comrade, mainstay, put her on her heels, giddy, world is your oyster, facetious, implacable

Gwyneth Paltrow & Quint's Blind Date

Gwyneth sipped an apertif as she waited primly for her date to arrive. Suddenly, pandemonium erupted at the entrance of the swanky Nobu restaurant. She could see the maitre' d growing exasperated with a boisterous customer. Dishes broke in the hubbub. Gwyneth said to a woman at the next table, "I don't need a fiery development like this - I'm here for a blind date with a handsome older gentleman I met online."

"Oh, what's his name?" 

"Quint. His profile described him as an old soul with a great sense of humor whom lives for adventure," said Gwyneth dreamily.

The maitre' d followed the man in the middle of the commotion. He was swearing and yelling at everyone. They were coming over to Gwyneth's booth! Her heart sunk. "You're Quint?'' she asked incredulously. He peered at her with a deranged grin - a huge gap between his front teeth. She was inundated by the smell of apricot brandy. 

"Let's ramp things up," said Quint, as he slumped into the booth and stared into her gorgeous blue eyes. After a few minutes of banter, she became quite enraptured with his stories of life on the open sea. Gwyneth's ex-husband showed up unexpectedly and told Quint to get lost. After a vicious tussle, Pierre Delecto stormed off with a black eye and bloody lip. Gwyneth was in love - she loved being the center of upheaval. 

"You know, Quint, at first I was leery of you, but now I realize you're just the kind of man I've been seeking. Who cares if you're an uneducated, classless, luddite," she said as they left the restaurant arm and arm, her svelte designer jeans hugging her derriere. As they passed the maitre' d Gwyneth said, "I'm love with a feckless failure." Quint laughed deliriously and said, "As long as you pay for the Orca to become seaworthy again, you can call me whatever you want."

*****
Color words: apertif, said primly, pandemonium, exasperated, hubbub, fiery development, deranged, inundated by, ramp up, banter, tussle, upheaval, leery of, luddite, svelte jeans that hugged her derriere, feckless failure

Tyrion Meets Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart enjoyed tea and crumpets on her patio high above

Madison Avenue. It was the perfect escape from the hurly-burly of the city. She sipped gently then heard tiny footsteps closing in behind her. To her surprise, it was Tyrion Lannister - the dynamic dwarf from Game of Thrones! He was dressed in worn leather and had a woeful expression on his face.

"Tyrion! How have you travelled thousands of years into the future?" asked Martha.

"Melisandre, the red witch, granted me a spell and I chose to meet the queen of the future," said Tyrion.

"But, I'm no queen."

"According to the seven gods, you are the putative queen of modern civilization! My lady, don't grumble - you are immensely powerful. Someone with my skills could help you extol the benefits of your status."

"My dear Tyrion, you are exactly the kind of disruptive wunderkind I would've expected," Martha said.

"My lady, have no compunction about what you should do with your power. Rescind the restrictions your government has over you and assume your rightful place as the queen of these lands. Absolute servitude will become de rigour for all people of this land."

"America, this land is called America," said Martha.

"Ahhh America - I like it!" said Tyrion. "The die is cast - you will become the ruler and I can help you. You don't want a ham-fisted approach to taking over your country's rule."

Martha offered her new advisor a crumpet, of which he gobbled eagerly. "At first, your idea seemed an unwieldy request, but perhaps I could grow into the role. Queen of America - I like it more and more."

The little lion tittered nervously. "Now, you're acting like a queen, your grace," he said.

*****
Color words: hurly-burly, woeful, putative, grumble, extol, long in the tooth, disruptive wunderkind, compunction, rescind, de rigor, the die is cast, ham-fisted, unwieldy, tittered nervously

Cabo Wabo

Eddie Van Halen sat in the recording studio with an indignant expression on his face. He hated hearing Sammy bloviate about his CaboWabo tequila company. The fact that Sammy's net worth would soon eclipse Eddie's was untenable. In order to heal rifts between the two, Sammy would have to stop promoting his tequila during concerts. When Sammy was given a cease and desist order, he was befuddled. Eddie walked a few blocks and entered a nondescript building. If Eddie was honest,  he wished he had Sammy's aplomb. Eddie felt snookered into letting Sammy have free rein to grow his brand while being in the band. There was such a maelstrom within the group they refused to tour - which was unfortunate given playing live shows had always been the band's wheelhouse. Alex was so depressed whenever he spoke he was indecipherable. Michael Anthony sauntered up to Eddie and said, "Hey man, you look great!" his voice dripping with sarcasm.  Eddie had a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. "This is the elixir to looking so good," Eddie said slurred. "Here's a madcap idea. We go on a world tour and consummate Sammy as our lead singer." Eddie winced.

*****
Color words: indignant, bloviate, untenable, heal rifts between, befuddled, nondescript building, with she had X's aplomb, snooker, maelstrom, wheelhouse, indecipherable, sauntered, voice dripping with sarcasm, elixir, madcap, consummate, wince

It's What You Need

Chelsea Clinton sat amidst a sea of beer cans. She just finished watching her favorite
original Twilight Zone episode, The Masks. She turned to her husband, who was on his hands and knees cleaning the kitchen floor. "Rickie, clean it again!" she screamed. "You prattle on about how you want to run for congress but you can't even get that kitchen floor to sparkle." Rickie looked up obfuscated and responded, "Yes, M'am."

Rickie got to his feet and said, "I want a high octane job. One where I make a difference for millions of fellow New Yorkers."

Chelsea belched and snorted a laugh. "Well, you're making glacial progress."

"That's because you always put me down!" he said.

"What? I lauded your ability to clean the bathroom," said Chelsea. "And then I green lighted your kitchen floor assignment. You should be thankful!"

"Yes, M'am."

"It's not worth getting into a scrum, Rickie. You became a tour de force cleaning the toilet. Your ability to learn the rules has brought to bear your potential to perhaps become a congressman one day."

"Your prescience gives me hope," said Rickie.

Chelsea squinted awkwardly. "You're not in the congress yet and I think I've had quite enough of you opining about your pipe dreams." There was a knock at the front door. It was an old man with top hat and monocle. The man handed Chelsea a AA battery and said, "It's what you need," and then promptly left.

"Who was it, M'am?" asked Rickie.

"Some codger who handed me a battery."

Rickie procured a fresh bucket of soap to clean the kitchen for  a sixth time while Chelsea popped a Treehouse Haze Double IPA and settled back in her chair for the next Twilight Zone. She raised her remote to click start and nothing happened. She reached into her pocket for the battery. She thought back to what he said, "It's what you need." She inserted the new battery into the remote and pressed a button that started her next episode. The episode was titled What You Need. "I'll be damned," she said under her breath.

"What'd ya say, M'am?" asked Rickie.

She leaned back in her Lazy Boy, blasted a fart, and roared, "Get back to work, Rickie!"


*****
Color words: prattle on, obfuscate, high octane, glacial progress, lauded, green light, scrum, tour de force, brought to bear, prescient, opine, top hat and monocle, codger, procure, traverse

Speak Easy

George got the stink eye from a couple dining in the Black Tavern restaurant as
he made his way to the bar. They knew he was going to the speak easy. After giving the password and entering the secret room, he took a seat at the poker table and said, "I can't take a draconian way of life - this pandemic is getting me down!"

Jack responded, "Absolutely! Although, I don't miss the pell-mell pace of life," as he shuffled a worn deck of cards. "Must you light that cigar in here? It's off-putting." Tendrils of smoke hung in the air.

Janice took her place at the table and forged an idea. "Why don't we increase our wager? We scant bet an amount worth winning."

"Name your amount - I won't cower," said Jack.

George watched with disquiet as the others chastised one another.

"Janice, who are you to promulgate this a high-stakes poker club?" asked Jack.

"Would $10,000 titillate you? asked Janice as she tossed a wad of cash into the middle of the table. "Too much for you, Jack?"

"No, but this kind of japery is more fitting a middle-school student than an executive like yourself," said Jack. George added his stack of hundreds to the table.

"I'm out," said Jack - his voice thick with despair.

"If I win this $20,000, Jan, it'll be the zenith of my year," said George. Janice chuckled.

"Deal em, big boy," she said while sipping an Old-Fashioned made with Akashi whiskey.

*****
Color words: stink eye, draconian, pell-mell pace of life, off-putting, tendrils, titillate, forged an idea, scant, cower, japery more fitting a middle school student than a CEO, promulgate (proclaim formally), chastize, watched with disquiet, voice thick with despair, zenith, Old-Fashioned made with Akashi whiskey

Howdy Partner

Hi friends,

If you stumbled upon this blog, you probably dig new vocabulary. Over the years, I've gathered dozens of notebooks of uncommon words and new vocabulary. Each day, I do a silly writing exercise I call word salad. I take color words/phrases and drop them into a zany tale. These stories are not going to win any Pulitzers - you just let em' rip.

Please share your story using the words/phrases of the day. Feel free to alter the order of the words, too!