Return of the Swamp Thing

Adrienne Barbeau, star of the cult movie classic, Swamp Thing, recently moved from L.A. to Charlton, MA. She was recently divorced and on the prowl for a new man. On Sunday morning, she brought her son to his youth soccer game. It was there she first laid eyes upon Mr. Renny, a tall, athletic man in his early fifties. Adrienne's girlfriend said he recently lost his wife to an unfortunate crockpot explosion. He ran triathlons and was independently wealthy from a red-hot internet business. Adrienne was on him like a trout on a butter worm.

"Hi, Mr. Renny," she purred.

"Call me Jasper."

"Look Jasper, I'm looking for a handsome man like yourself for a simpatico relationship - I'm so, so lonely."

Throughout the game, she toyed with her new love interest mercilously. By the end of the game, she had ciphoned $10,000 from his bank account by peering over his shoulder and memorizing his password on his phone. He helped her into her mini-van and she said, "You need an exigent woman like me."

Adrienne flashed her swamp thing tattoo on the side of her neck and Jasper stood agog.

"Swamp Thing - that's where I've seen you before! That's my favorite movie!" he said. "How about we meet for lunch alfresco at Luigi's at 1pm?

They enjoyed a wonderful lunch - she was rosewater in her demeanor. He loved her short-cropped, rainbow-dyed hair. When she returned from the ladies' room, he noted her strut set many mens' tongues wagging. She rejiggered the vase of tulips so she could look into Jasper's eyes as they imbibed on Singapore Slings.

Jasper's phone twanged as he received a text warning him against Adrienne: she's a scam artist and already bilked him of a small fortune.

When he broached the subject with Adrienne, she gainsayed all accusations. He became increasingly suspicious of his new love when he saw all of the clap back from her when he questioned her. A gruff-looking detective approached their table and informed Adrienne she was under arrest and needed to place her hands behind her back. Jasper looked up at the detectives and cried, "But she is mi amor."

"Well, your amor isn't Adrienne Barbeau - she's an imposter - this is Adrienne Benson from Milwaukee. She has a wanton, psychopathic disregard for decency," said Detective R.T. Bones. He escorted her to a waiting cruiser and before the door slammed shut Adrienne said, "Au revoir, Jasper."

*****
Color words: like a trout to a butter worm (Blacklist tv series), purr, simpatico, toyed with, ciphon, exigent, alfresco, gainsay, rejigger, set tongues wagging, short-cropped rainbow-dyed hair, wanton psychopathic disregard for, rosewater, imbibe, bilk